From The Week
March 16, 2007
Good week for:
Getting even, after a 7-year-old Wisconsin girl called police to report that her grandfather was cheating at cards. Police have decided not to charge either party.
Overkill, after opponents of late Serbian President Slobodan Milosevic dug up his corpse and drove a stake through his heart, apparently to minimize the odds of him returning from the dead.
Making the trains run on time, after President Alan Garcia of Peru kicked off a national punctuality campaign by ordering all citizens to synchronize their watches. Peru's famously carefree attitude toward time, Garcia said, is "a horrible, dreadful, harmful custom." (Uubra kaya sa Pilipinas ito? Isang oras nang huli, okey pa rin.)
Bad week for:
Neutrality, when a group of Swiss soldiers accidentally invaded Liechtenstein during a night-training exercise. The government of Liechtenstein (population: 34,000) said it hadn't even noticed the incursion across it's borders. "It's not like they stormed over here with attack helicopters," said a government spokesman.
Observing wildlife from the air, after an enraged Alaskan moose brought down a hovering helicopter with its antlers. No humans were hurt, but the moose did not fare well in his collision with the spinning rotor and had to be put down. (Poor deer.)
Romance, after Maria de Jesus Flores, 98, of Mexico filed a complaint against Manuel Martinez, 48, a grocery deliveryman who has fallen desperately in love with her. "I can't have sexual relations anymore," said de Jesus Flores, who added she is weary of fending off Martinez. "I'm 98." (Di kaya malabo ang mata nitong si Martinez?)